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No Pity: A Community for People with Disabilities

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[Mar. 26th, 2013|08:37 pm]
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no_pity

[call_me_lovey]
Hiya,

I'm nearly 30 & I've recently moved out. It's a small care home which is very good – yes I know I said this would never happen but, well, things do)

As someone said, I’m now finding out who * I* am; i'm not just my parents' daughter anymore.

I believe I may like a little from column A & a little from column B. <= =>

I've never had *actual* sex, because stiffness means I can hardly move & it would more than likely be painful. I doubt I will both because of this & because no-one has shown any interest. My interests are very odd for a woman & aren't conducive to getting much, if any, sex anyway. I've done the girly version, & would have had a repeat performance had she not been such a nasty piece of work that I had to cut contact.

I had, & still have, a gargantuan crush on a certain older singer – not in a creepy way --, & wish to find someone who is similar in looks, if at all possible.

1 – When I say older, I mean older; I’m talking white-haired folky hippie witchy (wo)man with voice of a Siren. I am dreading the questions – “is that one of your relatives??”

2-- The carers I’m closest to know of my supposed leanings, (as does my mum, who never ceases teasing me – good-naturedly, though) & one carer I am close with is going to help me sign up to a dating site & plans to chaperone if she's allowed.

3-- I’m worried I will be asked to leave the home if/when I bring someone of the same gender back. I know this home wasn't where I planned to live but my needs are catered for surprisingly well & I see staff & residents as “adoptive family”. The other place I was offered was crapuscular, & didn't even do the basics.

Had I not been disabled, I could've either come to terms with what I may be or boxed it up & forgot all about it. This is eating me up inside.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: cdaae
2013-03-26 11:09 pm (UTC)

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On number 3, I don't think it would be at all legal for them to ask you to leave on those grounds. That would be massively discriminatory.
[User Picture]From: zandperl
2013-03-27 03:43 am (UTC)

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That depends on the state AFAIK. A good place to start though is that the home probably has a charter and/or policies about overnight guests. Read the house rules and see what they say, and look up your state's laws about discrimination based on sexual orientation.

And then, even if your house has no rules against same-sex overnight guests, and even if your state does consider sexual orientation a protected class, talk to your caregivers and other friends in the house and see what the actual practice is there. Just because something's officially allowed doesn't mean that they won't try and kick you out anyway, and then it's on you to find another place and sue the old one. See what the actual atmosphere is like in practice, and decide what you're willing to fight for. If you decide not to fight this house, you could look for other places to live and/or do any overnight stays at your potential partner's house or a hotel instead (if those are feasible options in your case).
[User Picture]From: cdaae
2013-03-27 02:33 pm (UTC)

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Her userinfo says she's in the UK though, and I'm pretty certain it would be absolutely illegal here.